Dear Sirius
by SummerW
Summary: Sirius reads a letter he wrote  to himself when he was 16. For the "Letter to Me" challenge on HPFC. Rated for a little language.


**Dear Sirius  
****Challenge fic for Who dunnit why i dunnit on her challenge "Letter to Me"  
Given: Prompt: **Soul  
** Age written: **16  
** Age read: **33

**_A/N: _**Don't know what to think of this one but ah well.

* * *

Sirius Black shivered as the owl settled down beside him, lifting a leg so the man could remove the letter attached to it. He frowned as the owl flew away again, staring down at the scroll in his hands. The parchment was old and faded, and bore no indication of who it could be from. He wasn't even out of Azkaban a month yet. Who the hell would send him a letter?

Sighing, he opened it carefully.

_Dear Sirius,_

_Wow, this is weird. And stupid. Weird and stupid._

_So I bet you've just got this letter and you're thinking what the fuck. (If it's any consolation, I'm saying what the fuck right now too.) Obviously you know who this is, because you're not retarded, but I bet you can't remember why you've just received a letter from your 16 year old self. Let me enlighten you._

_Do you remember Professor Gray? She taught us Muggle Studies, right? Well the stupid bitch is making me write this letter. Apparently it's common for muggles to write to themselves years in the future, so she's making us do it too. Why am I actually doing what she tells me too? If I don't, she's making me do a month of detentions with Slughead and we both know that spending 10 mins on a letter is better than 10 mins with him. Do you remember the letter now? Apparently it will get delivered to you like 16 or 17 years in the future. Don't ask me how, that's all I've been told._

_So…. I'm supposed to tell you all about my life now. What would you like to know that you don't already? Being 16 sucks. It's like someone up there decided "Hey! Let's mess with Sirius Black's life!" and hasn't gotten bored yet. I left home in summer, feeling like shit. I didn't want to leave really, as much as I hated it, it was still my home. I lived there my whole life. And then there's Regulas. Merlin only knows what they'll do to him now that I'm not there. But what else was I supposed to do? I just couldn't live with it anymore! I can't help the fact that I'm different to them, yet they still blame me!_

_Don't get me wrong when I say this, but in a way, I wish I was their perfect child. I love my friends yeah, and I believe in what I'm doing is right, but there's this part of me that wants them to love me. I don't know why. Actually, I do. The Potters have been great to me, accepting me like second son. But the thing is, they're Prongs' parents, not mine. They've just made me realise what I've been missing out on my whole life: a real family. Blood who loves me. Everyone else seems to have that: James has his parents, Peter has his mum and even Remus' parents have always tried to do their best by him. What do I have? Nothing._

_I'm glad I'm back at Hogwarts. Here it doesn't really matter about my blood and I can block my family out as much as I want. And I have much better things to occupy my time with._

_Well enough about my sappy and shitty present life, how's my future going? Are we married? Have any kids? If not, you better get a move on. You're, what? 33? Pushing 34? Hurry it up. Prongs and I have a bet going. He says I'll never get married, I say I will. Stupid idiot reckons he'll get married to Lily someday. If he ever does, remind me to Avada Kedavra myself. He'll never let any of us live down the fact that he was right. We're still friends right? In the future? I can't imagine life without him or any of the other marauders._

_Well, I have spent way to much time on this letter, bearing my soul to myself. Weird when you think about it. I have something else to do now. Her name is Marlene and she's waiting for me in the passage behind the mirror on the fourth floor._

_I guess I'll see you sometime in the future mate._

_Sirius Black._

_11th September 1976._

Sirius collapsed against the stone wall, stunned at the piece of parchment in his hands. He had forgotten all about the letter, and about what it was like to be sixteen. How would he have told his younger self about his life now if he'd have needed to? _You're life went from bad to worse. You just spent twelve years of your life in jail for a crime you didn't commit, you're best friends are dead and everyone else thinks you're a maniac. You have no soul anymore, you have no reason to live but vengeance. What would you say younger self now, if I told you that life never really gets better?

* * *

**A/N: **_Thanks for reading and if you have time, please review. :)


End file.
